The Unconventional Path Pt. 1

I have always been someone that has gone against the grain and challenged societal norms. For a season, I despised this about myself, forever hearing my parents voices in my head warning me not to put my foot in it.

I now see that I walked the path I was always meant to walk. As a Splenic Manifestor with a 4/6 profile- I am not meant to work like everyone else. I was always meant to go on a journey, be 101 versions of myself, try my hand at lots of different jobs and eventually find myself breaking free of conditioning (hello Saturn return), returning home to myself to heal and begin to share all I've learnt along my journey to help and inspire others.

So, I would say- I'm right on time.

I'm very aware that society pressures us to follow a certain path. To get 9-5 jobs, buy a house, have kids, live a certain way, have a certain body and so on. Let me be very honest here, I have done the 9-5. I've done the 9-5 + whatever else your boss requires. It. Is. Not. For. Me. I can't even recall how many times I had bronchitis because I was completely depleted from work. Autistic, unaligned manifestor burnout is brutal and it can take time to feel regulated in your body again (more on regulating in another post).

When I discovered the energy flow of Manifestors- it all made sense. We work better when we have flexibility. We have short, creative bursts of energy but need time to recharge and rest- which in turns gives us our next creative idea. When we bring this area into balance and start tuning into our intuition and what our bodies are actually telling us we find ourselves in a beautiful flow. Where we don't feel guilty stepping away from our work to recharge because we recognise the rest is necessary for the next inspiration to come.

Once I understood this about myself and my energy, I was able to give myself a lot more grace and understanding. I could feel the nagging voices in the back of my mind, telling me I should get a 9-5, begin to quiet until I could no longer hear them.

I am exactly where I'm meant to be and for the first time in my life, I know I am doing what I am meant to be doing- as unconventional as it may look to other people.

Let's get into the unconventional path that led me to where I am. I began working at the ripe old age of 13. For two Summer's I worked in our pool snack bar, it was easy and fun but as soon as I turned 15- I had my sights set higher. Being a competitive swimmer growing up, it was only natural that I became a lifeguard. The training was a mix of fun, easy (the swimming part) and challenging when we had to rescue someone who fought us under the water. I loved working at the pool, being in the sun, blowing my whistle and yelling at the hormonal boys for doing dumb things trying to show off- it was embarrassing and entertaining.

The giant pickles I would eat from the snack bar daily quickly followed by a Cornetto ice cream- heaven.

Lifeguarding lasted until I turned 17. Once I was 17, it was determined that I wouldn't be going to college and needed to look for a career to train in. My mom ran an in-home daycare from when I was six months old and at that time, had a dental assistant and dental hygienist whose children she cared for. A conversation was had and before I knew it, I was at the dental office training to become a dental assistant. My parents logic was that no matter where I went in the world, they would need dental assistants.

So there I was at 17, doing two swim practices a day, training at the dental office and somehow homeschooling as well. By this time, I had bought a car, was paying the insurance and repayments myself, was paying for my cellphone and bill, paid for all of my petrol, car services and anything extra I wanted to do or buy. I had to work hard from a young age to "make it".

I do want to pause here to note that this is not a shared experience with my siblings. It is my experience.

At 19 I decided to pick up a part time job at a local cafe as a server/barista.

My best friend, Cris worked there, and even though it was minimum wage (which if I remember correctly was $5.75 an hour in the state of Virginia) it was a fun place to work. I quickly learnt the regulars and their orders, the girls I worked with were kind, we could pick the music so when Cristen and I were scheduled on together it was always a vibe and towards the end of me working there they began having live acoustic shows with local bands. Those nights were some of my favourite.

When I turned 20, I was let go from the dental office I trained and worked at, not because I wasn't good but because they were overstaffed at the time. The Doctor I worked for was such a beautiful, kind soul and was as gentle as anyone could be in that situation. I was grateful for the training, for the time and experience, for the friendships forged during that season, all of the laughs and in office jokes we had, the amazing clients, birthday lunches that were full of shenanigans and an overall great work environment.

Shortly after I was let go from the dental assisting job, I quit the cafe and moved down to North Carolina with my then boyfriend (Tanen Zaph) or as my little girl likes to call him "The Rockstar".

For a season, I travelled with him and his band. Helping on the road and at the merch table. After about 3 months of doing that, I needed to go back to work and so I began working as a hostess at O'Charley's. It was fun and I made decent money. Mainly looking back on that time, I'm just thankful my ex's dad was my boss because some people that worked there were just plain rude. I know now that is kind of normal in the food & service industry, especially if you're new, dating the boss's son and make simple mistakes.

When he and I broke up, I moved back home to my parents house and began looking for dental assisting work again. I ended up working for a guy whose kids used to be in the daycare when they were younger and he was in dental school. I won't say much about working for him that year, but oh my god, was he an asshole and one of the worst people to work for.

I was also let go from this job but the story around that is hilarious. It all boils down to one lazy dental assistant who got away with everything, one who was easily influenced and had the ear of the boss, lies and some truth.

Needless to say, I was the scapegoat and everything the lazy assistant did- they pinned on me and said I was the one slacking. Bish please!!! Do you know how many times I sat in the head dental assistant's office and she complained about you while I ordered supplies? I can't even count the times on my hands.

When I was let go from that job, I was so confused. Like so confused. I remember sitting across from my boss at lunch and he was saying words but I was not comprehending what he was talking about. In fact, I remember thinking that he was referencing the slack assistant and just making sure I knew what was expected. I was completely caught off guard when then, a week later, he called me into his office to let me go. But in hindsight, it all makes sense and I could see the little game the other assistants played and how it all unfolded.

I was quite deflated after that. I had all these bills I had to pay and no job. I began helping my mom in the daycare and with things around the home- like taking my grandma to the grocery store for one potato and one onion or repainting her bathroom.

It was in that bathroom, amongst the paint fumes, that I began thinking about Australia again. I had toyed with the idea of going to Australia when I was 18 but then met "the rockstar" and followed the path I was meant to at that time.

But here I was at 21 and I needed to get out of my parents house. Doing a christian course on the other side of the world seemed like an acceptable way. I had heard about YWAM (Youth With A Mission) since high school and had heard all the stories from these girls going on adventures overseas. At 21, it seemed like there was no better time than the present. At that point I had been in and out of the church/faith from 15 but thought why not try, and at least I would be able to go to Australia and get out of their home.

So I fundraised $14,000usd to come do the three month school and then the three month missions trip (we can rant about white saviour complex, YWAM and missions trips another time).

Needless to say, I fell in love with Yugambeh Land (the Gold Coast of Australia).

After my 6 months in Australia was up, I went home for two weeks, packed the rest of my shit and came back to do a Cert 3 in Training and Assessing before staffing the next school- rookie mistake. ROOKIE MISTAKE.

How I wish I could shake that young little 21 year old girl and tell her she's not ready for the personalities she's about to face.

I want to preface this by saying that everything that happened during this time is well and truly in the past and has been resolved. I hold nothing but love for these individuals.

It was one of the hardest things I've had to face. I was so young and insecure in myself, there were big personalities and egos swirling in the mix, as well as lies and

misunderstandings.

We were halfway through our missions trip portion (which had not gone to plan at all due to floods, communication issues with the other location, etc, etc, etc) when I broke my back.

Yes, you read that correctly. I won't go into the details here but I had a 10% fracture on T11, spent two weeks in hospital, three months in a back brace and two years in physio recovering.

While recovering in the back brace, I was still required to help as staff at YWAM and so I was trained in MYOB and took over doing the finances for a season. Out of all my experiences I would say this was one of the most stressful. I was in a lot of pain ALL of the time and I was so afraid of making a mistake (thankfully I didn't).

I had been helping with YWAM in the finance department for about 3 months when I was approached by the Senior Pastors of Generation.

Cont'd in pt 2