I Am The Magic

One day, it dawned on me- I am the magic I seek, I am the love I desire. For so long I looked outside myself for the love and acceptance I desired. Thinking one day, someone will pour love into me the same way I do others. 

I sat silent in circles, waiting for someone to notice me the way I notice others. Times I did speak up, I felt odd and out of place, as if I were a strange alien they were all looking at and I had just spoken a bunch of gibberish.  Always just slightly out of place. Always just slightly on the outside. 

I longed to be accepted into the fold, I longed to be seen and loved the way they all seemed to see & love each other. It was as if they were all in the home, a loving little family, while I peered through the window. 

Eventually I got tired of staring into the window and I began to slowly walk away. 

Glancing back briefly now and then to see if their actions would ever align with their words. If things would ever change. 

Grieving the loss of friends I thought were family, I kept pushing forward. Knowing that season is over- I begin calling all my power back to me. Returning to myself and my sovereignty. Grounding & releasing energy. Alchemising. Gleaning what I can from those relationships and the purpose they each served. 

In the alchemising I realised I was always the one I was looking for and the way I have shown love to others for years, is the exact way I need to show love to myself. 

I began recognising that in every prior relationship, I was the magic. The one capturing the mundane and looking for beauty around every corner. The one pushing for social justice. The one dreaming about the future. The one desiring self growth & expansion. 

It was never outside of me. It was always me. I am the magic I see all around me in the world.