Fleeing or Finding

For the majority of my life I have, whether consciously or subconsciously, held this belief that I “run away when things get hard”.  Where that belief originated I’m not sure but I do remember moments in my life where people’s actions or energy made it clear that they believed exactly that. 

I let those words define a part of me for a long time. A part I would constantly take off the shelf and examine. Am I following my intuition and what I believe the next best step or am I just running? 

Even moving from America to Australia had me questioning what I was running from. 

But what if two things can be true at once? What if I wasn’t running from things, as people perceived, but what if I was running from a version of me that didn’t feel aligned? What if I was responding to a deep, energetic pulling? One beckoning me forward, begging me to continue to “become”. 

I’ve always thought of the big decisions I’ve made in life like this…

“Surrounded by darkness, I feel that inner nudge- that knowing. The invisible ethereal string that pulls me forward, closer to the ledge of a cliff. When I reach that ledge, I am sure of myself- I know what needs to be done and I jump off into the black abyss. Always expecting to free fall before face planting, I am grateful and surprised by the ways the Universe aligns and I find my feet once again on a beautiful path.” 

I look back on the moments I leapt and I have never regretted making those decisions. They were all, in the end, the right decisions to align me to my path - despite how hard some of the decisions and repercussions may be to face.  

I’m certain to some people I appeared unhinged at times and I’m okay with that. They were not a part of the journey of me getting here, they do not truly know the ins and outs of what unfolded- that is mine to hold- but I led myself to the place I am now, following that ethereal string that continues to beckon me forward into the mysteries of the unknown. 

And that is exactly what lies ahead, the unknown, once again I must leap and trust where my feet will land. 

My 21st birthday, 6 months before I would move to Australia