The Awareness, The Dreams, The Beginning

One Autumn evening, seven year old me sat on the kitchen counter while my Mom made dinner for the family. It was as if I was somehow floating above myself and my mom, watching the scene unfold and at the same time being fully aware that my presence was trapped in this physical body. "Mom, what am I?" I blurted out abruptly. I'm sure she would have been extremely caught off guard, not fully grasping what I was asking in that moment, as I sat there examining my hands.

She gave me some answer about being a little girl and a child of god and I knew I was meant to be content with that and not push any further. I nodded along, while thinking she didn't quite understand what I was asking but in that moment -the awareness began.

Cutest lil pup that Halloween

It was from that moment in the kitchen onward that I began having vivid dreams and seeing shadows out of the corner of my eye. Some of the dreams I would remember and immediately know the meaning of, other dreams would be reoccurring for years on end and it wouldn't be until I was an adult, that I would begin to understand the meaning behind those childhood dreams. Growing up evangelical was a tough gig for so many reasons but in regards to spirituality and spiritual gifts or "the Clairs" it was a real challenge. Internally I could feel my power and subconsciously I was taught to be terrified of it - that my gifts and abilities had to fit into "this box" and should "look & be like this"- I knew what I felt, the energy bubbling under the surface, but I was afraid because it didn't feel like anything that fit into the many boxes the church had constructed, so I pushed it down.

From a young age I was drawn to the taboo and often befriended the "alternative" girls who came to church with their "good" christian friends. I was curious, wanting to learn more about Wicca or the various practices they were introduced to growing up.

I remember feeling that energy again, like I did when I was younger, pulsing in my hands and through my entire body the first time I played Light As A Feather with friends at a sleepover when I was about twelve.

In my High School youth group I was taught how to channel messages, they dressed it up as "hearing from god" but I knew as soon as my pen touched my journal on that weekend retreat and the channel opened, it was so much bigger than what they thought or taught us. For some of the kids that weekend channeling came easy, for others- not so much. As you can guess, it was second nature to me. It was so easy to shut off my conscious mind and tune in to that channel. When others were getting words here and there, I was getting full pages of complete thoughts with images and songs to accompany. We all have the ability to tune into the channel source wants to communicate through, usually what stands in the way is our own fear or doubts. Channeling reminded me of when I would escape to "the secret garden" in my mind- a calm, safe space. In that space, I was alone with the Divine, swinging on a tree swing- releasing every care into the air above with each breathe that left my lungs- allowing the effortless conversation to take place.

I'm not surprised that a way I easily channel messages is through music. Music was woven into every part of my existence from the moment I was born. My dad a musician, mom a singer- music was the background noise for my every day life and you never really knew what you would get bar Sundays. On Sundays you could guarantee you'd be woken up with worship music blaring through the house.

I knew from a young age that music spoke to me on a guttural level- I could feel everything in my bones, to my very core. I would listen to songs, stare out the window and allow the visions to unfold. Now, it doesn't matter where I am or what I'm doing- if there is music on- words and phrases stand out, Divine shows me images or a movie scene snapshot and channels are always coming through.

It wasn't until 2020 that I became aware of what remote viewing or astral travelling was. I had done it various times over the years without realising necessarily what I was doing but when I learnt about it in 2020 it made some of the "dreams" I had make sense. They weren't dreams at all but alternate timelines I had momentarily stepped into.

Although the path forward hasn't always been clear, I have followed this ethereal guiding light, connected to my Solar Plexus by this glowing golden cord.

Guiding me back to myself, to my body, to my intuition, to my practices, to my spirituality, to my sexuality, to my power, to liberation of self and others, to a regulated nervous system. For so long my abilities screamed to be acknowledged fully, and like I did when I was younger, I began to feel that fire return to my bones but I have been afraid to step fully into my power, because I know the shifts that will begin to happen once I start sharing my thoughts and dreams. I have been writing and patiently waiting for the right time to share and awaken those in the collective I have been sent here to help walk home.

I don't say that in a self-absorbed kind of way but I say it knowing (from a young age) in the very core of my being that I am here to help people on their journey's of returning home to self. What qualifies me? I've spent my entire life undoing the conditioning I grew up in and coming home to myself, my power, my intuition, my sovereignty.

I am not here to save you, because no one can save you but yourself. I know what it's like to be so lost in the depths of yourself and your fears- grief clouding everything, unable to find which way is up. I am here, to help guide you back to your authentic self. Because that is what I have done for myself time & time again.

You are not becoming anything- you are remembering who you've always been, flipping the tables that hold you back and realigning with the truth & divine wisdom that lies within you. I am simply here so you feel a little less alone on this journey of remembering Who TF you are.