Days I Dreamt Of

So often I pause during my day, look around my apartment and think to myself, " For so long I used to dream about this and here I am." A dream that felt so unattainable in this lifetime became my reality.

Two years on with the most beautiful girl in the world and it is still a pinch me moment. Something I suppressed for so long, kept hidden under lock and key until it was either be honest or ...

...either way, I knew I had to do something- I was miserable and wasting away. I didn't want my life to end but life as I knew it to end. My kids deserved so much more than having a shell of a human as their Mama. I remember thinking that I would never want this for my kids. I would want them to find a love that they want- one that supports them and loves them for who they are. Someone that respects them, respects their no, someone that will grow with them and hold space for the duality within each of us.

Someone who is inclusive, empathetic and understanding-whose morals and values align with theirs.

After the honesty, came facing everything I knew would follow but hoped wouldn't. Promises made and (very) shortly after broken. It was a walk through hell and back- the hardest, loneliest time I have ever been through. Having her by my side, figuring it all out, holding me as the unimaginable happened, as fake friends and family faded- made our arrival to this moment that much sweeter.

We made it. I made it. No more "one day" or "in the next incarnation". It is here, I am here and I can't help but be grateful to my past self (and the few amazing people who held space for me & helped carry me through this).

My life is rich in all the ways that matter and it's because I followed that inner knowing and was honest with myself and others.

I did it for me but I also did it to show my kids what a healthy, loving relationship looks like- what they both deserve.

A love that fills them. A love that truly sees them.